Of AI, Lagerfeld, and "if you're cheap nothing helps"

Artwork by Tarek Chemaly

I can't believe I have to speak about this again (here). To be clear, I have nothing against AI, not that I use it (except perhaps in those small introductory notes on google - a man does need to know how long to keep the pasta in the pot before it glues you know!), but again, I understand it, and know its potential and how far it can be beneficial.

Which bring us to Karl Lagerfeld and one of his legendary caustic comments: "If you are cheap nothing helps". So here we are, a few days ago I saw a bad and incredibly horrible ad made with AI, the worst part is that the copy was so un-stomackable I kept thinking of how I would have screamed at a student if he or she offered me such a corny, bland, stupid and soulless cohesion of words. Small hint, Leo (back then H&C Leo Burnett) had to create a different agency (Black Pencil) to avoid having two banks are clients, and when - in the 80s - the hottest agency in town (Trust) took Semrani (children's clothing brand) they had to drop Zahar (another children's clothing brand - note: Zahar is still at the forefront of the industry while Semrani fell by the wayside), so even the ethics of it is incredibly shaky (because taking "consent" from a client is never enough). But I digress.

So back to the horrible ads being produced with AI. I honestly cannot understand how agencies, clients, and brand managers could accept such corny products to represent them. Nothing works, the imagery is - despite the newest most capable models - borderline horrible. The story... What story? Just an assemblage of ideas that don't work. The colors? Nothing that actually refers to the original brand's vivacious and bright colors. 

And this is just a tiny example of the ads I am seeing as of late. A jumble of prompts dressed in the sauce of the latest AI models, with no storytelling, horrendous copy, unflattering imagery, and repeated ad infinitum words such as "iconic" and the usual self-aggrandizing accoutrements. To go back to Lagerfeld: "Sunglasses are like eye shadow: They make everything look younger and pretty."

So, please, take off your pink sunglasses and look at the idiotic result of your ads before inflicting them on innocent viewers and bystanders. 

So Almaza now has an e-shop

It was bound to happen. Although I think this is way beyond the zeitgeist at this point (you can see the shop here) - interestingly they still sell Heineken merchandise even though Heineken sold back their majority stake in Brasserie Almaza to Philippe Jabre in 2021 (Heineken still holds a minority stake and continues to contribute technical expertise). From the ads launched the eshop is very new though I have no way to verify this information. Three different brands are represented - Almaza, Laziza, and Heineken with the usual merch products - anything from caps to bottle openers to socks and tote bags (to ashtrays? but I am trying to be civilized here). Well, obviously it is free advertising once you buy it, but like everything else that is logofied, you pay to advertise someone else's brand. To be honest, launching this at the end of summer is a bit anti-climaxing but what do I know? I don't even drink beer.

Fattal rebrands to Tamina

By now you have probably heard of CMA CGM acquiring Fattal Group (an incredibly smart move if there was one - Fattal being a leading regional distributor of national and international premium brands, so CMA CGM gets to ship the goods and sell them locally and regionally too! A very symbiotic move indeed). Recently CMA CGM announced the integration of the Fattal teams within their structure. And now they even have a new name - as a rebrand I presume - "Tamina". Well, originally it is "Thamina" (precious/expensive) in Arabic. Yes yes, you can read it already on the photo about to "create value" for so and so. But Fattal is a name is a major weight, a long heritage since 1897, and truly inspires faith, confidence and brand recognition throughout.

So I am not even sure why the name change. Especially a "feminine" name change. Because in Arabic "Tamina" is distinctly women-oriented (Tamin is for men). So honestly, between the distinctive typography of the name Fattal (beautiful Arabic calligraphy) to the bland Tamina, I am neither seeing the logic nor the value of any of this especially that this will extend to many countries, many product categories, many internal stratagems and seriously, it's not worth it. 

Optimal, a gender-neutral back to school

This is interesting, finally someone not being stereotypical gender-wise. It could have been very easy to do so, but Optimal has avoided this trap. "Protection is on us, tutoring on you". Again, the angle is that "tutoring on you" is gender neutral when they could have gone with the usual feminine you. Optimal for your information sells personal hygiene products, which in the case of this ad are wipes. The emphasis as it was portrayed through their social media channels is cleanliness throughout the school day.

Of Mozart and thoughts of mortality

Artwork by Tarek Chemaly

Here's a hint: Don't grow up during a war. I once wrote "The first time I saw wounded people, I felt excited. I wasn’t afraid, just excited. When smoke came out from a place near my one of my friends’ house, I thought it was cool: I knew someone who was in danger." (In my book "Beirut Mayhem-eh - here). Still bravado aside, I remember Sebastien who died at the age of 6 when a bomb fell right next to our school and basically was too close to his mother's car when she was there to pick him and his brother when a new round of shells started.

But death was always there. Lurking in the shadows. I escaped it several times, like many Lebanese people during the war. The last of which was - twice - on the day of August 4th 2020 and the gigantic explosion of the port of Beirut (here). But this kind of laissez-faire with death had other ramifications. Mainly on my career (among other sectors).

I was always "OK, what's next", I have done, quite honestly, much more than any normal human could cram in a half century of life (born in 1974, you do the math). And the more I saw, the further I did, the less impressed I was. "A new published book?" "an exhibition in a country where my art was not displayed?" "a lecture for people who still did not meet me yet?" "a juror in an international festival?", "another interview for a TV channel?" "a new film to write?" and on it went. 

I should have enjoyed the light immensely. But as the projectors got more and more frequent and intense, I found myself crawling back to my private space. I've been there, I've done that, sometimes I got the t-shirt sometimes not. Little by little you start realizing that no team is as professional as you are, that few people can match your speed and can go as high as the bar you have set. And all this bothers people, because suddenly, compared to you, people start looking incompetent.

Long time ago, a professor I was consulting with (she was Canadian), suddenly looked at me and said "you realize you are on your way to become unemployable?" - and that is true. Because even with any employment I got as my career progressed, my exactitude and impeccably high standard along with my lack of tolerance to any "client" being disrespectful to me (as most Lebanese clients are!), led me to hot water. Sure, I did impeccable work, when I was teaching I drove the students like a maniac to get them to deliver (here).

All of this should make me proud like hell - and many times I can actually be (here) - but also, paradoxically, because I grew up during a war, and because the nihilism one is subjected to, things tend to lose meaning, a great big "meh!" around every win, and every milestone.

The reason I brought Mozart into the melee, is because, in 1994 while still a student at AUB I was talking about the great composer (can't even remember the context) and a classmate of mine simply asked "minou hayda?" (who's that fella?). I thought quickly and asked "hey, do you know ya ana ya ana by Fairouz?" (here) "yes?" he went. "Well, that's him!". For all answer he goes "byotla3 menno, 3endo mosta2bal" (well, he's talented, he has a future ahead of him). Remember Mozart died in 1791. Some 203 years before my classmate's statement.

So combine this with a death who is casually there, with notions of never enjoying triumphs and never living in the present, with "if people don't know Mozart, why on earth would they even remember me?", and all of this gives you this incredible of feeling of "m'en fichisme" which waits for a future, and never realizes that the future became a present because it did not matter anyhow.

Some days are - honestly - quite difficult to go through. Perhaps oddly, this what drives me to create further. As everything is bound to be forgotten, maybe someone will say, some 203 years after my death, that I too "have a future ahead of me".

NYX x Roadster, how come no one "nyx"ed the idea?

OK let me start with the words of Aya Haitham, senior brand manager at NYX. "We brought together two worlds no one expected to see collide, NYX Professional Makeup x Roadsters Diner. For our "If You NYX, You Know” campaign, we decided to do what NYX PMU does best: dare to go big, bold, and completely unexpected. Inspired by our iconic lip combos, we created a limited-edition menu that transforms some of our most-loved NYX Professional Makeup shades and products into a full dining experience, available throughout the entire month of September. A collaboration that challenged the usual, broke category boundaries, and proved that when you dare to think differently, you can create something people don’t just see, they remember." First and foremost you can watch the video here.

Now, as soon as I read this my mind started reeling. In the brand wheel in my mind, Roadster is certainly not a feminine brand (I double checked with other friends of mine involved in communication and marketing and they seconded my opinion). Which is why I found it very strange to pair it with NYX, a make up brand with all the accoutrements that went with it (a new menu, the chairs being branded, a pink Mercedes with stickers on it, etc...). So all of this in mind, the pairing has indeed "broke(n) category boundaries", in a positive way however, remains to be seen.

I personally don't get it. Maybe I am not the target audience, which is why. But if I am to go to Roadster again, I might be requestioning my gender identity.

Sheikh el Meshwe, different sheikhs for different menu items

Cheikh el Meshwe (the cheikh of grills) plays on its name with its many reincarnations. There are several actually. The one above is a perfect example "Sheikh el Yoghurt" with a little girl and huge "sheikhy" mustaches. it also back to the logo of the place. Well, as I said the campaign holds its own through different visuals (all the same but the kind of sheik is different so is the "model" in question). The campaign is localised in Jounieh but the restaurant has another branch is Dbayeh as well. 

Sunsilk lands a new maxxxxing (amended)

So after money-maxxing, China-maxxxxing, sidequest-maxxxxing, fiber-maxxxxing, sleep-maxxxxing, and the list goes ad infinitum. So while we are at it, how about Vivid-Maxxxxing or soft-maxxxxing, and deni-maxxxxing? This if you go with the Sunsilk idea of "enhance color vibrancy" or "100 hrs of silky hair" (that's 8 days and a third, you're welcome). Obviously, the ad goes to people who have been on the English-speaking internet as of late since, as suggested earlier, maxxxxing is eveywhere (just add anything before it). But of course, at least Sunsilk is beating while the iron is still hot and the "maxxxxing" fad its still at its zenith. Because as with everything else, another trend will replace it incredibly soon. 

PS - in a cute addition which apparently escaped me, it seems that Pikasso long known for "Jaune et partout" (yellow and everywhere) became orange and pink partout as they changed their frame for two of the executions (which as I said, I did not manage to see in my first round!). I admit this is a cute addition to the campaign.

Reminder: Al Abdalla, Ahmad being the original.

Remember the Aladballa vs Al7ayalla debacle? (here). Well, me in my little ignorance, I did not know that basically, the original was Ahmad Alabdallah. So yes, just like the Hallab dynasty (with the humongous ad that was right bang at the entrance of Tripoli about the Hallab dynasty (famous for their sweets) which shows Abdulrahman being on top of Rifaat (as both has competing shops) with the line (in Arabic) "the age of the tree is from its stem, not the branches". So apparently if we go back in the Alabdallah family tree, seems Ahmad was on top of everyone else. So the ad simply emphasizes it (in three layers mind you) "the original is known". Apparently all this continues in store with the branding going to the food and the windows and all. So it seems this is indeed a very integrated campaign (here). So there, somewhere in the grilled chicken dynasties, now we know who started it.

McDonald's - how tacky can you get?

McDonald's. Seriously? "El joude bi albna mawjoude" - quality is present in our heart - does it rhyme? Yes. Is it silly? Yes. Now to make things worse, McDoland's illustrated the ad with its source products (a bun, a cow, a chicken, lettuce and potato) inside... heart-shaped forms. Because yes, the ad was not tacky enough as it was. Funny, why, instead of buns though they did not picture a wheat stem. But I digress, nothing could save this, or make it palatable (no pun). 

Arix - Tonkita - now go clean.

There's too much going here, but can you blame them? They are introducing now one, but two brands, brands which seem unknown to the public at large, hence this is a very crowded ad. Normally such products are bought in supermarket/shop levels, but it seems they are also being offered - according to the ad from an eshop too (which seems to offer a lot of other products as well - here). So in the melee, I believe you either get that with your other shopping list at the supermarket, or alternatively, go to the website - and while there, pick a multitude of other products to make sense.

Collagenix - a more negative than positive line.

When you tell someone, at least in Lebanon, "what have you done to your face?" it is usually an expression with negative connotation which is more apparent (even if sporadically, it can be used positively). Which is why I found it extremely strange for Collagenix to have adopted this line for their ad. Apparently Bio Collagenix is a beauty formula lift which is sold in pharmacies. Once more the effect is supposed to be positive for a woman's face, but try as I might to bypass this I simply could not.

Is Nescafe changing its positioning?

For a long time Nescafe has labelled itself as a morning drink, using the line صَح صح which is akin to wakey wakey. Slowly but surely, it is drifting from it even if never in explicit terms. Now the cat is out of the bag.  "Continue your day with Nescafe" - there are many different options, the one above is 3 in 1 with Caramel taste. But they all focus on the fact that Nescafe can be had not just in the morning. Which as I said, moves the drink for its early morning positioning to something to be enjoyed all day long. Mind you, they are not inventing gunpowder, people have had Nescafe at different hours of the day already.

Choc-Ole is punching above its weight

Now this is a strange one. The first thing I checked online about Choc-Ole was the price. Which was neither more nor less than any of its competitors. The reason I did that is because the ad, no matter the "Arabic" copy, surely targets some uppity fragment of society. Sure, all ads invite you to dream, but somewhere, there is this feeling that Choc-Ole is for a wealthier audience, which is not the case. Interestingly, if you compare with with Marie (here) everyone can relate to the protagonists, in this one, I am not sure. It feels much more aspirational rather than real. The end copy could have been a slam dunk but it left me cold. "le? la2ano atiab chi". Mind you le? (which is in Arabic means "why") should take you back to "Ole". La2ano atiab chi - means because it is the tastiest. A bit too generic if you ask me. In other words, an ad too well done for a product that should reach all audiences, with a stress on the lower socio-economic strata. See the ad here.

Cedre Vert, make my logo bigger

Well, took me forever to understand what ad this was. It has different executions and all of them barely show what brand we are talking about. All of them related to cleaning (from the shape of the product). But try as I might to figure out the brand, well, this was difficult until the saw the images back in zooming while checking the phone later. So it was "Cedre vert"... And yes, this is one of those "make my logo bigger" instances because as I said, took me forever to figure it out. The ad itself is more "just let us handle it".

Abou Andre, "Y" the error?

Abou Andre has a riddle, the idea is that they opened in Ghazir with an ad. Well, there's a catch, the ad has a mistake, find it and win an invite for four. Not to spoil it for you but this reminded me of this sign I found at the Syrian National Museum in 2007.

Please no enter. Which someone correct to Please no enterY, and someone later correct Please DO noT enter which someone correct to Please DO not enterY. The last two corrections are debatable in terms of sequence. But the idea of the "Y" added was interesting enough.

A full circle back to Abou Andre. Wink wink.

CIS and Kortbawi, stereotypical imagery.

"Preferred throughout the generations" - well, considering CIS is celebrating 35 years and that one generation is 33 years, I am sure they are speaking about the many students that got through their doors. But I digress. As usual, a cook, a foreman/mechanic, and a nurse (almost stereotypical but true as they used interchangeably in technical school ads).  Interestingly, Institut Cortbawi plays it almost the same - OK, at 80 years though - but the cook and the mechanic are there along with someone who has some Harry Potter portal to a new dimension. "Today's talent, tomorrow's success". I have told this anecdote before (here): In the 80s, Byblos Institute inserted the only girl studying car mechanics in their TV ad. I later learned that enrollment swelled exponentially because boys were dying to meet the girl in question. Well, I told you there was always a mechanic in the ad.

Pizzanini - make that make sense

Another back to school, and another head scratcher. Well, "from the first bell ring to the last slice". How this integrates into school lunch boxes, is beyond me. How this can be transported to a school setting, is also not exactly logical. But here we are, let's-do-a-back-to-school-campaign-since-everyone-else. Now yes, a large pizza at 9 USD is a good offer, but seriously, the context is just completely wrong. If the target audience were exhausted mothers, that would have made sense, but students per se, and in the classroom no less, does not exactly add up. Maybe Pizzanini needs some math lessons, without pizza involved.

Junior mini croissant, let's try all possible ways

So do we go small children or illustrated characters? Yes. I mean the strategy goes let's-try-everything-because-no-one-cares-anyhow. The end result is too many ads which make you wonder what brand it is every time. Eventually you put 2 and 2 together and basically discover it is the same brand but with many different visuals. "Every beginning has a hero". Which could be a little confusing when you do not see the hero in question. I guess to hell with strategy...

Sensodyne, but who's that nameless doctor?

In the 80s in Lebanon, the most famous doctor on television was a butcher from Jounieh. The guy was good looking, greyish hair, put him in a white coat and bang. He's believable. Until that is the law in the advertising industry came up with the requirement that doctors should be named in the ads. Sensodyne has a new ad whereby it give teeth 2 shades whiter. On the lower right hand in the ad, a lovely nameless doctor. What? Nameless? Yes, indeed nothing in the ad indicates who he is or if he is a real doctor much less a dentist. Which makes the whole thing quite contrary to the law. After all, they might as well bring back the butcher. Though not sure he's still believable at this point.